This one is very long, so it might not be everybody’s cup of tea, however, for those who are inquisitive enough to read it , there is hopefully, Lots of fun to be had .enjoy

King of colours

One of our heroic boys in blue, was out patrolling his beat

When he chanced upon a young man, dragging a rainbow down the street

“Hello hello hello “ he said “something ere’s not right

A young man dragging a rainbow about, in the middle of the night',,

Now I’m going to ask you some questions my lad,

I need your cooperation,

Hopefully we can sort this out here ,

and you won’t have to go down to the station,

First off, where did you get this fine example, of refracted light,

Secondly what are you doing dragging it around, in the middle of the night?”

“I found it by the side of the road.” he said“ just over there by that tree,

And I’m dragging it around because it’s too heavy to carry......obviously!”

Later, at the station.....

He admitted he’d , ‘been on a bit of a bender’, for the last couple of days,

“I went out for a couple of beers, and just got carried away,

I’ve been drinking a cocktail called ‘purple haze’, some call it ‘Loopy Puce,’

Equal measures of vodka, gin. ,red wine, and blueberry juice.

.

Trouble is it messes with your head, makes you do all kinds of strange things,

when you’ve had a few, it also makes you , prone to VIOLET mood swings,

these can leave you feeling quite PURPLE-exd

One minute you’re having a good time, then you’re shouting and arguing the next.

Anyway, on the way home i found this rainbow, lying by the side of the road

It had fallen from the sky, all the colours were faded and it looked a bit tatty and old ,

Now I’ve always loved rainbows, I think they’re amazing , ever since I was a child,

So I decided to take it home and restore it, then release it back into the wild.”

“You see, I was told that I was colourblind , when I was only small,

They said I’d live in a black-and-white world, and never see colour at all.

at the time I didn’t know what that meant, I hadn’t got a clue,

It was as a shock to my parents though , the diagnosis came right out the Orange.’

Then, when I was 10, I caught a strange and unknown disease,

I developed a really high temperature, started sweating from my knees.

I became so hot it made me hallucinate, and I saw colours for the very first time,

As a ten year old boy you can imagine, it completely BLUE my mind.

To suddenly see colours like that, for the very first time,

filled me with a sense of elation,

I even saw colours that don’t exist,

but they were just , ‘pigments of my imagination’

And from that day to this, I can still see colours,

I’m so grateful and you’ll never catch me whining,

After all, you know what they say,

Every cloud has a ....turquoise lining.!..?

( Hang on a minute that’s in the wrong poem,

Turquoise shouldn’t be there,

Turquoise should be in another poem,

the one where he races the hare... ) sorry,...

silver lining.

So that’s why I was dragging a rainbow about,

in the middle of the night,

I must say I was shocked at how heavy it was,

I thought rainbows were just made of light.”

“Well that’s all very interesting”, said the sergeant behind the desk,

“But we can’t have drunks dragging rainbows around and generally being a pest,

You’re charged with obstructing an officer and being drunk in public as well,

Strip search him, take his belt and laces and put him in a cell”.

They took his fingerprint and photographs and a sample of DNA,

and they handcuffed his hands behind his back so he couldn’t run away,

They put all of his clothes in evidence bags and his shoes as well,

And just to be sure they strip-searched him once more before putting back in the cell

Early the following morning, they shackled his hands and feet,

and he was driven to court with a police escort, to appear before the beek.

As they read out a new set of charges, he knew he was right up the creek'

he was refused bail and transferred to jail, on remand for the following week.

By now he knew the game was up, so he decided to confess,

And by the time he went to trial the story had hit the press,

RAINBOW RUSTLER RUMBLED, said the tabloid headlines.

Light fingered colour thief is jailed ,

Rainbow thief may be Illegal Immigrant”.... screamed the Daily Mail

His trial became big news, and completely gripped the nation,

Journalists came from all the papers and every TV station.

He cooperated fully and answered all their questions,

In the hope that if he did , he might receive a lenient sentence

“It all started back in the 60s “he said,

“psychedelic colours were in demand,

Back then it was all experimental,

everything was done by hand.

Over the years I developed, a specially treated cellulose sheet,

Similar to the colour catcher that you put in your washing machine,

I fashioned them into a transparent mesh, In the shape of a giant kite,

then I would fly them high in the sky, whenever the conditions were right .

Sometimes I’d leave them for days on end, floating on the breeze,

Making sure they were securely tied to the branches in the tops of trees.

Once they came in contact with a rainbow, they’d wrap around it really tight,

then I’d wait for the sun to go down and retrieve it overnight.

Once I got the rainbow , I’d isolate the individual colours,

Divide them into the required amount and blend them with one another.

It was such a superior product, and totally chemical free,

I sold colours to private clients as well as big industry.

I hand mixed the colours for Jackson Pollocks’ dots ,

Took me hours and hours and hours,

Georgia O’keeffe put in a special order,

when she painted her vibrant flowers

My colours were used in a special hair dye, used by Zandra Rhodes,

They were also used to dye the fabrics used to make Prue Leith’s clothes.

I even developed a fake tan, that’s become a huge success,

I’m responsible for that orange glow, beloved by the women of Essex.

None of my clients knew any of this,

They bought the products in good faith, without knowing,

And I’d just like to say at this point if I may,....

I’ve never had anything whatsoever , to do ,

with any colour schemes created by Lawrence Llewellyn Bowen

When I started out, my main objective,

was to brighten up peoples day,

bring a little colour into peoples lives,

and maybe make a few bob on the way”

The trial was over within the week, everyone had had their say,

The public gallery was packed to the rafters, for the final judgement day.

The press had dubbed him as the “king of Colours”, and were mostly on his

side,

“he brightened up our daily life”, said the cheering crowd outside.

“Would the defendant please stand” said the judge,” so that I may pass sentence,

I have taken into account your cooperation and genuine repentance,

having considered all the evidence put before me in this case,

I concur with my old Etonian, err I mean the prosecution, you’re an absolute disgrace

I do feel very strongly, that the punishment should fit the crime,

Therefore I sentence you to... 4 years prism time,

I suggest you use this time wisely, to refract on your heinous actions,

Locking up you liberal lefties always gives me great satisfaction”

As they led him out of the courthouse, the TV crews sprang into action,

The crowd spontaneously started to cheer, apart from a very small faction ,

It was the Llewelyn-Bowen fan club, they’d come to defend his name,

They both stood around fully suited and booted looking stylishly inane .

A member of the legal team prepared to address the assembled masses

he cleared his throat and the crowd fell silent as he fumbled with his glasses,

But before he had the chance to speak , from somewhere in the crowd,

An excited little girl began shouting really loud.

“Everybody look up there, look up in the sky,

I can see a beautiful rainbow, it’s so pretty I might cry,..”

then right there, in front of them all, the perfect rainbow appeared,,

A collective gasp ran through the crowd and everybody cheered

Cameras clicked and whirled to catch this wondrous sight,

You couldn’t help but be amazed by this natural delight,

The member of the legal team, approached the wall of microphones,

He was just about to speak, when behind him, someone groaned .

It was the two policeman who had been escorting the’ king of colours,,’

Only now they were standing side-by-side, handcuffed to each other.

“Nobody move “said one policeman “everyone stay where you are”

“Don’t just stand there” said another “he can’t have got very far.”

The police started searching everywhere , looking amongst the crowd,

When once again a little girl, shouted really loud,

“Look up there everybody , look up in the sky,

I can see a man underneath the rainbow , flying really high.”

It was the’ King of Colours ‘, suspended from a huge celulose kite,

He steered it straight into the rainbow, and wrapped around it really tight,

Another gasp of amazement spread throughout the crowd,

Then the ‘King of Colours’, and the rainbow disappeared behind a cloud.

He was never seen again, how he escaped is still a mystery,

but the story of the Rainbow Rider has taken its place in folklore history.

So next time you see a rainbow, recall the moral of this tale,

Try and brighten up someone’s day,......and NEVER buy the Daily Mail.!

Mark Crump ©️.