Read the flippin’ manual

The kettle boils better when I switch it on

Want a cup of tea?

Don’t look at me!

I didn’t switch the kettle on.

The freezer chills better when I shut the door

Ice and a slice?

Yes, that would be nice, but

I didn’t shut the freezer door.

The iron irons better when I plug it in

Want to press a collar?

You can bet your bottom dollar

I didn’t plug my iron in.

The microwave warms better when I start the clock

Waiting for a ping?

It’s never going to ring

I didn’t start the microwave clock.

The breadmaker bakes better when I turn the dial

Oh, Mr Panasonic!

I need a gin and tonic

I didn’t turn the breadmaker dial.

They all work better when I read the manual

My daily reliance

On every appliance

Means it’s better when I read the manual.