One of those days

This is another long one, but for those of you who are brave or inquisitive enough to stick with it until the end, there is a nice story and lots and lots of humour.( hopefully)

So get a cup of tea, get comfy in your chair and escape the real world for a few minutes

I hope you enjoy it

One of those days.

I stubbed my toe this morning,

when I got out of bed,

And as I hopped around in pain,

I stumbled into the wardrobe and banged my head,

I hope it’s not going to be one of those days.

I had a wash, but I’m out of toothpaste,

Oh well, they say that bad luck comes in threes,

I went downstairs and the milk was off,

I couldn’t even have a cup of tea

I do hope it’s not going to be one of those days.

I don’t normally work on sundays,

but this week I’ve been working from home,

So I’m sat at the kitchen table,

with my laptop and my phone

I’m surrounded by pots and pans,

the remnants of last night’s supper,

“Bugger this” i thought “I’m going to get some milk,

I can’t work without a cuppa.”

So I slip on my trainers and pop to the shop,

As quick as I am able,

And it wasn’t until I was halfway home,

I remembered my keys are on the table

..

This is turning into one of those days.,

I can’t phone you for your spare key,

Because “” you’re staying at your mothers,”

I can’t remember the exact reason why,

There was alcohol involved and we argued about something or other.

So I had to go round to my sisters,

to get the other spare key,

She wanted to know what had happened

and gave me the 3rd° degree,

I told her I couldn’t remember,

it was all in a bit of a haze,

All I know is that now it’s official,

“today is one of those days.”

It had gone 12 o’clock by the time I got back

and I still had my work to do,

And I still had to clean the kitchen,

but first I needed a brew,

while I drank my tea I tried to piece together

The story of the previous night,

neither of us covered ourselves in glory

in the alcohol fuelled catfight,

My mind is as cluttered as this kitchen,

I needed space to think,

So I got the pots and plates and glasses

and stacked them up on the sink,

In the process I dropped your favourite cup,

It shattered into 1000 pieces or more,

While cleaning it up, I cut my finger....

and started bleeding all over the floor.

The first aid kit wasn’t in the cupboard…..

and it wasn’t under the sink,

It wasn’t on any of the worktops either,

where did I find it do you think

it was in the utility room on top of the fridge

When I finally tracked it down,

What gave it away were the two sticking plasters,

Holding up the kids picture of a clown

it was empty....of course it was,

Im having one of those days.

with some Sellotape and kitchen roll,

I managed to stop the bleeding ,

but now I had a headache coming on,

So I decided a nap was what I needed.

40 winks and I’ll be alright ,

it just might get me through to tonight,..

So I laid down on the sofa

and went out like a light.

I was woken by the throbbing in my finger,

I’d wrapped the Sellotape on to tight,

The clock on the shelf said it was 6.45,

But was it Monday morning or was it Sunday night

I slowly make my way out to the kitchen.

My phone tells me it’s still Sunday night,

I hear a cat throwing up, somewhere in the distance,...

,I hope it’s not going to be one of those nights.

Then simultaneously, my phone started ringing and

Someone was banging the front door,

I hurried into the hallway to see who it was,

And slipped on a pile of warm catsick on the floor.

I opened the door, it was the Baker brothers,

They said, “we’ve just seen your missus in town,

She told us “ she’s going to stay at her mothers,”

So we thought we had better call round.

Now we haven’t turned up empty-handed,

We bring gifts of pizza and beer,

It’s cup final night and you need company right ,

so we’ve come to watch it round here,

Oh and I messaged a couple of the boys on Facebook,

big nose Bill and Keth* are on their way.

Ponzo, slobbo and nibbo are coming ,

It should be a good game today.

*( he was called Keth because he had an eye missing. )

You look a bit rough mate, you feeling alright”?,

He said as he handed me a beer,

“I’m just having one of those nights, “I replied

He said ,”it smells of sick in here ?”

They all turned up with more pizza and beer

And so did several others

Now it’s 2am and I find myself , half naked and singing,,

in the front garden...., outside your mothers

I’ve come to tell you I’m sorry ...

and declare my undying love...

When a light came on in the spare bedroom,

And a loud voice came from above.

It’s your mother, and boy , did she let me have it

delivering a scatter gun of obscenities,

I haven’t heard language like that since this afternoon

When we lost on bloody penalties. ( again )

Then you appeared and you called me “pathetic ,”

you said I was” stupid and sad,”

You said you weren’t interested when I tried to explain

about the catastrophic day that I’d had .

You continued to berate me,

Said you’d had enough of my errant ways,...

I said “ come home Tracy , it will all be alright.....

“ You see....I just had , one of those days,...

that turned into one of those nights.”

“I LOVE YOU TRACY......I Love.......Oh , she’s gone “

Mark Crump.©️