My body is rock hard each muscle
in spasm. I am unable to release
the tension gripping me like a vice.
My mind is aware of this tension,
sending messages to relax.
But in vain. Relaxation
does not linger, does not stay.
There are few feelings of ease,
they do not last.
They come bringing freedom
that departs too soon.
As I move, I am aware
of my movements: erratic,
sometimes twitching, sometimes still;
my muscles hard as steel.
At times I am quite able
to script my thoughts with ease.
Then with no sign to warn me
my hand is chained and still.
It cannot guide my pen to write
the thoughts my mind would say.
Control is what I’d wish,
to try to hide from others’ gaze
the way I have become!
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