My Body

My body is rock hard, each muscle 

In spasm. I am unable to release 

the tension gripping me like a vice.

My mind is aware of this

sending messages to relax.

But in vain.,.

Relaxationwill not linger,

does not stay, .to soothe.

There are few feelings of ease,

they do not last.

They come bringing freedom 

that departs too soon.

As I move, I am aware 

of my movements: erratic,

sometimes twitching, sometimes still;

my muscles hard as steel.

At times I am quite able 

to script my thoughts with ease

Then with my hand is chained and still.

It cannot guide my pen to write

the thoughts my mind would say.l

Control is what I’d wish,

to try to hide from others’ gaze

the way I have become!

Val  Bowden

2002

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