Hyperhydrosis by Royal Appointment

I think I've got Prince Andrew’s sweat

I barely move and I’m dripping wet

While he can’t perspire, not a jet

I’ve got enough for a sweat duet

Oh Romeo, said Juliette,

your armpits stink like vinaigrette

So get thee to a launderette

Have you got Andy Pandy’s sweat?

Our Andrew says he’s no regret

that Epstein paid off Fergie’s debt

in London where the pair first met

but still he swears he cannot sweat

I heard that Mary Antoinette

had Louis 16 so upset

she stuffed her pits with flannelette

That’s special stuff is royal sweat

When Andy flew Lolita’s jet He wasn’t at pizza expre -ss

I saw him at the nearby pret

demolishing a cheese baguette

I knew a local usherette

Whose uniform was winceyette

So moist she grew a prize courgette

The duke gave her a big rosette

And me I have a new asset

I ought to notify the met

I offer you this small pipette

Of what may well be royal sweat